Saturday, July 12, 2014

What Should I Do?

Before I left my job in Al Kharj, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, I fervently prayed to God to give me another job. I was eager to get out of my job but was not quite sure of where to go next. Months before I left, my plan was laid out. I would take a BLS course and take the HAAD examination using the 2 years of experience I have. Days prior to my departure, I realized I had to find another job because a friend of mine has herself secured another job in Kuwait already. Furthermore, my family has bills and debts to pay and they need my financial support as much and as soon as possible. I was praying fervently. I posted my resume online and applied for certain jobs. A couple of days prior to my departure, an agency texted lining me up for an interview in a hospital in Bahrain. I thought that would be a great opportunity so I confirmed to attend the interview.
I arrived in the Philippines in May 15, 2014 and spent a couple of days with my family there. The interview was on May 16. I got accepted and I accepted the job offer with little salary. One third of the money I had with me was spent with my family. The other third, I gave to my mother to pay our bills. The last third of my money I gave to the agency for the processing of my papers and my medical examination. During my stay in Manila, I accompanied my friend and applied in a government hospital in Saudi Arabia. I also passed the interview and signed the contract. But my heart was not completely into taking that job because accepting that would mean going back to Saudi Arabia. I thought I would think carefully about it since it would take 2-3 months for our visas to arrive before we will go on our medical examination.
I went to my hometown on June 19, 2014 and spent days resting and helping with whatever I can. A couple of weeks passed when I decided to check on the status of the agency my papers are with. It shocked me to find out that they are on preventive suspension. A thought of relief came into mind when I realized that I still have another job which is in Saudi Arabia. I thought everything would be fine when I came across some nurses who encountered problems with their data flow. I felt really worried so I thought I should get that job in Bahrain. I texted the agency and they assured me that their status of preventive suspension will not slow down our deployment because another agency will process our papers if they cannot. That gave me a sigh of relief. A few moments later the offer in KSA texted me that they have increased my salary to 7218sr. It was very very tempting and I was very eager to take that job if not only for the risks involved.
The day after I was weighing out the risks and where I should go, an e-mail from the organization I long dreamed to be a part in came. They informed me if I were willing to be a part of a short trip mission for 2 to 3 months. I agreed and went on for the telephone interview. Unlike my previous application that they turned me down after the interview, this time, they considered me. I will know the results next week. It doesn't bother me if I would not be accepted, what bothers me if what if I will be accepted. I have seen their documentary and the environment they are working in.
Today, my dog died. He had difficulty in breathing a few days earlier and was not eating already. When she died today, I felt like blaming myself. I really don't know. Somehow I think maybe this is God testing me if I can handle the stress of patients dying in my care in a daily basis. It is very difficult. This is making me think hard. I am realizing that maybe I cannot do it. I am asking myself the question that if what I really want is to serve God and make Him happy, do I really have to do this? Or do I just want to do this because of the fame and glory of working for their team brings? Am I ready to face certain amounts of stress? My dog died and it has been very hard for me already, then what if many will die in my care everyday? Am I ready?
Lord help me.

by jiL at 5:28 PM |