About Last Night
Last night, I have experienced God's grace once again. I am a pediatric emergency nurse working in a government hospital here in the Kingdom. We each have our respective assignments at the start of the shift. I was assigned for counting the equipments. That is actually good. I have no patients to be responsible for. I was definitely ready for my shift that night. Just after a few minutes after endorsement, things changed. I was designated to another area because one staff took her sick leave. I was assigned in the Fast Track area and was due to receive a patient who is on Diabetic Ketoacidosis. My world suddenly crumbled. Every nurse on the floor knows that a patient with that case is a toxic patient with frequent bloodworks and monitoring, but what am I supposed to do? I accepted my ill fate and went on to receive that patient. I left my post as a nurse who is assigned to count the equipment and also responsible for the medications of Resus patients. I leaned on to the faith that as I pray before the shift starts, I know God is with me.
I have proved it last night.
Something happened last night. A narcotic medication was given 32 times its intended dose. The receiving nurse did not notice it as she did not have time to process all the data upon receiving the patient. When she saw that the infusion of midazolam was almost consumed, she asked the medication nurse to prepare another one. The medication nurse together with the primary nurse prepared the infusion based on the dose and computation done by the previous shift. Minutes later, they have found out that the dose was 32 times the intended dose for the patient's weight. They have already signed and hooked the medication before finding it out. They stopped the medication immediately, informed the physician, and followed the protocols. Nothing happened to the patient and the patient was transferred safely to the ICU. However, it was a great error, and the people involved are due for investigation.
If my colleague did not take her sick leave that moment and I was not reassigned, I would be the one carrying out that same medication and my head would be on the chopping block. My Lord saved me. He always has and I am very thankful. It's hard to say I'm thankful of something when I know that my colleagues are suffering, but just the thought of God saving me from all of that is just overwhelming. I do not know what to feel but I know that He is with me.
Grace of God
I am presently working at a huge government hospital here in Saudi Arabia currently assigned in the Pediatric Emergency department. I have been working here for almost four months now but I cannot really say that I have fully adjusted already. I face different levels of stress each and every shift. The recent one is what I am about to reveal...
I was currently on the night shift when a child and a father came for their antiviral dose. A mentor who taught me everything I needed to know in the area was taking care of the patient. I was passing by her assigned area when she called me and informed me of a drug she recently hooked intravenously to the patient and asked me to countersign. I did countersign and just as I was processing the information, she gave me a prescription of drugs to be taken from the pharmacy. I immediately complied. When I came back, I gave her the medication. I tried to help other people who needed help when after just a few minutes she came to me saying that we have hooked the wrong medication. My mind went blank and I started asking myself if I really did check the medication that was hooked. The father had this angry expression and he shunned my mentor out of the room. My mentor was very stressed and distraught at that moment. She was telling me that she felt sorry for causing me to become a part of that mistake. I was still processing everything. I was definitely stressed but I had a feeling of peace inside me that is difficult to explain. I decided to bravely go inside the room of the patient. The correct medication was hooked already. I asked the father about his son and his family. I took care of the patient and gave every single ounce of care I could even though I knew he had a communicable disease. Then, I started asking the father of what had previously happened. He angrily stated what happened. He said that what angered him the most was that the previous nurse was not listening to him when he warned her, and that that mistake could potentially kill a patient (which is true). Every word he said pierced to my heart because I was indirectly part of that mistake. After the antibiotic dose, I did the aftercare and prepared his son. The consultant in our area talked to him and just as they were about to leave, I said my apologies on behalf of the other nurse and I also personally apologized. He smiled and said, "It's okay sister." It somehow gave me relief. Prior to my shift, I was praying to God to guide us. Instead of questioning God why He has let this happen, I was thankful for His grace. We made that mistake but it was His grace that the medicine that was wrongly administered was just Ranitidine and not something with detrimental consequences. It was His grace that did that. However, it's not yet over. We had to make a report and to make matters worse, our acting head nurse asked the one who committed the mistake and the one who countersigned it to appear to the associate director of nursing the next day.
I couldn't sleep. I just kept on praying and praying, reading His word and demanding for His promise of deliverance. That morning came and we went to the office of the associate director of nursing. We admitted our mistake. He was calm. He reprimanded us and reminded us of our responsibilities. In the end, he told us that he will see what he will do about the situation. Whew~~! Lord, you are so wonderful!! At that point, it was like God was telling me, "
I am here. I am always here. You can always depend on me. On my way home, I could not help but just feel that my Father in heaven truly loves me. It touches my heart and it is difficult not to shed tears of happiness...
What Should I Do?
Before I left my job in Al Kharj, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, I fervently prayed to God to give me another job. I was eager to get out of my job but was not quite sure of where to go next. Months before I left, my plan was laid out. I would take a BLS course and take the HAAD examination using the 2 years of experience I have. Days prior to my departure, I realized I had to find another job because a friend of mine has herself secured another job in Kuwait already. Furthermore, my family has bills and debts to pay and they need my financial support as much and as soon as possible. I was praying fervently. I posted my resume online and applied for certain jobs. A couple of days prior to my departure, an agency texted lining me up for an interview in a hospital in Bahrain. I thought that would be a great opportunity so I confirmed to attend the interview.
I arrived in the Philippines in May 15, 2014 and spent a couple of days with my family there. The interview was on May 16. I got accepted and I accepted the job offer with little salary. One third of the money I had with me was spent with my family. The other third, I gave to my mother to pay our bills. The last third of my money I gave to the agency for the processing of my papers and my medical examination. During my stay in Manila, I accompanied my friend and applied in a government hospital in Saudi Arabia. I also passed the interview and signed the contract. But my heart was not completely into taking that job because accepting that would mean going back to Saudi Arabia. I thought I would think carefully about it since it would take 2-3 months for our visas to arrive before we will go on our medical examination.
I went to my hometown on June 19, 2014 and spent days resting and helping with whatever I can. A couple of weeks passed when I decided to check on the status of the agency my papers are with. It shocked me to find out that they are on preventive suspension. A thought of relief came into mind when I realized that I still have another job which is in Saudi Arabia. I thought everything would be fine when I came across some nurses who encountered problems with their data flow. I felt really worried so I thought I should get that job in Bahrain. I texted the agency and they assured me that their status of preventive suspension will not slow down our deployment because another agency will process our papers if they cannot. That gave me a sigh of relief. A few moments later the offer in KSA texted me that they have increased my salary to 7218sr. It was very very tempting and I was very eager to take that job if not only for the risks involved.
The day after I was weighing out the risks and where I should go, an e-mail from the organization I long dreamed to be a part in came. They informed me if I were willing to be a part of a short trip mission for 2 to 3 months. I agreed and went on for the telephone interview. Unlike my previous application that they turned me down after the interview, this time, they considered me. I will know the results next week. It doesn't bother me if I would not be accepted, what bothers me if what if I will be accepted. I have seen their documentary and the environment they are working in.
Today, my dog died. He had difficulty in breathing a few days earlier and was not eating already. When she died today, I felt like blaming myself. I really don't know. Somehow I think maybe this is God testing me if I can handle the stress of patients dying in my care in a daily basis. It is very difficult. This is making me think hard. I am realizing that maybe I cannot do it. I am asking myself the question that if what I really want is to serve God and make Him happy, do I really have to do this? Or do I just want to do this because of the fame and glory of working for their team brings? Am I ready to face certain amounts of stress? My dog died and it has been very hard for me already, then what if many will die in my care everyday? Am I ready?
Lord help me.
God's Protection
Before I go to bed at night, I always pray. Part of my prayer is for God to bestow my family back in the Philippines protection. When you are praying the same thing over and over again, sometimes the meaning becomes lesser. You pray for protection but do not realize how God is working in your life. He gave me a huge insight a few weeks ago.
I read a news article online that there was a fire near my house. I asked my mother about it and she said that the fire was quite far. She, however, narrated a fire that happened a few weeks ago on the house next to ours. Our neighbor caught fire when their gas tank exploded causing first and second degree burns on the face and whole body of our neighbor who is also a good friend of our family. My mother narrated that it was only my grandmother and second cousin left inside the house when that happened. There was an active fire and smoke was snaking its way inside our house. Minutes later, the other neighbors came to help put out the fire and it never reached our house.
If this is not God's protection, then I do not know what is. Their house is made of old wood that can easily catch fire, and so is our house. It was definitely God's awesome power to have stopped that fire from touching our house. He definitely heard my prayer from Saudi Arabia and showed His faithfulness through that awesome miracle. He showed that He is omnipresent and I can count on Him at all times. I really do not have a reason to worry. He loves me so much. I love You too, Father. Thank You for being awesome!
Hardship
The year 2012 has been very difficult for my family and I. Earlier this year, my mother found a lump in one of her breasts. The doctor advised for double mastectomy however, she refused because of the lack of funds. She resorted to alternative treatment and prayers. God has been gracious because throughout the year she hasn't been feeling very ill.
On the last quarter of this year, my father has been diagnosed with liver cancer and prostate cancer. His first symptom was unbearable pain on his stomach that he wanted to be admitted to the hospital. The doctor did not advise any treatment but gave him pain relievers. Almost two months later, that is today, he again experienced stomach pains. A couple of days ago, he had fever and mother made him take paracetamol. I advised them not to let him take it because that drug is toxic to the liver. But seeing that my father is suffering from his fever, she decided it is the best thing to do.
Now, he was taken to the hospital because of the pain that was not relieved. The doctors there gave him analgesic intravenously. My younger brother revealed his laboratory results and they do not look good. Tomorrow, they will have the CT scan. I do not know what the next step is. I do not know how grave the condition of my father is. But one thing is for sure. I will trust that the Lord knows my situation. I can trust in Him. I can continue to pray for Him and my prayers will be answered if I ask in Jesus Christ’s name. I have to trust Romans 8:28, that He works out things for the good of those who love Him, for those who are called according to His purpose.
I am miles away from my family. It is very difficult for me knowing that my family is suffering. I want to go home but I can’t and maybe that is not God’s plan for me. I have to trust Him and His will. I have to give my everything to Him, whatever happens. But Father God, I am going to continue praying asking to claim your promise of healing for my father in Jesus Christ’s name. Whoever is reading this, please help me pray. Pray that my family and I will be able to surpass this trial and may God’s will be done. It will be very comforting to know that God is touching people’s hearts to comfort us and we are going through this.
God's Protection
A few days ago, the manager of our clinic asked two representatives from the four of us in our clinic to join the seminar to be conducted in SBH in Riyadh. My close friend Cyrell volunteered to go for the additional purpose of claiming the prize that is long overdue. She asked me if I wanted to go with her and without any hesitation, I refused for I know that the seminar will be about the Islam religion. It would also include statements that refute the belief of Christians. Cyrell has attended that seminar before and from her experience, she narrated that they would try to alter the TRUTH that Christians hold. They would also try to convince people to convert into their religion as they try to present them with the material benefits and privileges they would get if they conform.
I do not want to compromise my faith and most of all I do not want to hear falsehood from those people. These past few days I have been reading the books of Jeremiah and Ezekiel and they are all about prophesies about God’s punishment to the people for they have been committing abominable acts which include creating idols. God was angry at what they have been doing and so he gave the nations a message through Jeremiah and Ezekiel that He will cause great turmoil because of what they have been doing. I have been relating those events to what has happening in Syria and to the practices people have been doing here. This was going on through my mind that when Cyrell asked me if I wanted to go with her, I immediately refused. Minutes later, she asked another co-nurse and she told me that Fritzie represented to go instead. I was relieved but at the same time I was praying to God that He would strengthen their faith and that He would shut their ears to the falsehood they would hear.
Two days later, Fritzie asked me if I wanted to go to Riyadh and I refused. That night, she stated she did not want to go to Riyadh because traveling would make her head ache. The next day, our manager came to our station and confirmed who will be going to Riyadh. He told us that Fritzie does not want to go and suggested for me to go instead. Ever since Fritzie asked me that question, I have been thinking quite a lot. Was it a wise decision to refuse that favor? Was I only thinking of saving myself from the falsehood I will hear? How about her? Is her faith strong enough to handle the fallacies they are going to throw against her faith? These thoughts have been flooding my mind in the past few days that I have come to pray more often and I asked God if it would be better if I should go. For I know the TRUTH in my heart and I love Jesus Christ so much that whatever they will say will not affect the faith I have in Him. I prayed and I lifted all my anxieties to Him. So when our manager suggested that I should go, I accepted the invitation. That night I prayed with all my might. I read the Bible and placed in my heart the message in Ephesians 6 about putting God’s armor which includes the helmet of salvation and the shield of the Word of God. I prayed earnestly and gave all my anxieties unto Him.
When we reached the hospital where the seminar will be conducted, I met my friends whom I have not seen for a very long time! It was a very heartwarming and happy reunion. We talked about all kinds of things. We took pictures, drank coffee, and ate muffins. We did all kinds of activities for almost 3 hours. We were able to do so because the speaker has not arrived yet. The two of them decided to go back to their clinic there in Riyadh because they still have duty. For the rest of us, we continued to wait until it was already almost 6pm and no speaker came. We decided to head home with our driver having a heavy heart for we have not accomplished anything. However, in my heart, I was rejoicing for it was God’s doing and I felt God is protecting me from whatever they are trying to throw at me for He loves me. He does not want anyone to corrupt my mind or any of the minds of the Christians with us at that time. I am truly grateful to You My Father. I love You Lord. While going home, I was crying for I felt that He really truly loves me and I thank Him for protecting me and for answering my prayers tenfold. I was praying for Him to shut my ears from those foolish words and He did. He did more. His unconditional love is just amazing! I love You Lord.
God Is With Me~
A week before July 16, 2011, I was preparing to leave my job at Level Up for the reason that I believe I was not pleasing God anymore. I was constantly complaining and backstabbing my boss for mistreating her employees. I would complain that she was not being considerate and insensitive. Even months before, I was looking for a way out Level Up for aside from the reason stated above, I believe no professional growth would happen to me. I was praying to God for a way out.
Then things happened. The reason why I could not leave was because of my students especially the kids. Then the news came that Chelsea would not be coming back and also Yoon Chan. I took it as God's way of telling me that this year, it would be okay to leave. Then around July, a friend messaged me on Facebook that she had a plan and asked me whether I was willing to take part of it. Thinking that maybe this was God's way out, I grabbed the opportunity. It was a plan to work abroad in KSA. I don't know why but maybe it was a spur of the moment that I took the opportunity and started processing my papers. I never prayed or offered this decision to God. When my friend told me about faking the papers, I had a heavy heart. I really didn't think it was a good idea, so I prayed to God and asked Him for forgiveness of what I am doing and about to do. Everything was set and our flight was on July 23, 2011.
On July 15, 2011, an unexpected text message arrived. It was from PAGCOR HR department asking me to take a pre-employment examination in their office at Ermita, Manila. I was jumping up and down of excitement and happiness. I wanted to get that job for myself and for my family! At that time, I felt like those were God's escape routes. After being so happy, it hit me that I haven't been to Manila. I have never ridden an airplane. Questions like "where am I gonna live?" "What am I gonna do?", started popping on my mind. That night, I earnestly prayed and cried out to God my anxiety asking for His guidance as I go to Manila. I quit my job on July 16, 2011, and told them I had an opportunity waiting for me.
I was constantly praying and thanking God for this opportunity. The happiness I felt in my heart that time was so great. I bought my tickets on July 17, 2011 and my flight was at 10:30PM that night. I was alone at the airport but I know God is with me. When I entered the airplane, I met a guy named Rodele. He was my seatmate and he asked me whether I was studying in Manila. I said "no", and explained that it was my first time going there to take an exam. He asked me where I was going to stay. I answered that I would probably stay and spend the night at the airport for I do not know anyone in Manila. He told me about his purpose of staying in Manila. He told me that he was a seaman from Bukidnon and was only going to Manila for a visa appearance and he was going to fly back.
When we reached the airport, he helped me with baggages. I was carrying a box of suha that time and he was the one who carried it. He stayed with the whole night at the airport. He was like God's angel helping me. We stayed at the benches around the airport for the whole night. I couldn't sleep because of the cold wind piercing on my skin. It was a very hard night for me. My mother's friend was also constantly calling asking where I was and who I was with. I honestly told her my situation and she suddenly got so worried that I was with a man. Rodele offered to take me to PAGCOR House at 5 in the morning but my mother's friend told me not to go with him and stay at the airport because she asked her friend to fetch me so that I can take a bath in her place. I willingly obeyed.
When morning came, Rodele and I looked for coffee shops or any restaurant but there weren't any restaurants open at that time. I just ate the biscuits I brought but it was not enough to fill my empty stomach. It was 7:20AM when Gina, the friend of my mom's friend came to fetch me. She was very kind and she took me to her boarding house so that I could take a bath there. She also helped me find a taxi so that I can go to the PAGCOR House.
When I reached the PAGCOR House, I was carrying a lot of baggages. I told the guard that the box of suha was for a specific person and thankfully he let me leave the box on a corner. It was 8:30AM and he asked me to go out and wait first for it was not yet 9AM (the time of my exam). I obeyed him. When I went out, a voice suddenly came from behind me, startling me. It was a man in business attire asking if I was also there for the exam. I said yes and he motioned me to stay on the benches across the building to wait. He asked me when I submitted my application. He also asked me about my love life. I learned a lot about him too. He told me he has worked in New York for 3 years as a bartender. He told me that he once waited outside the US Embassy at 2AM until it opened and he was the fifth customer. He told me the reason why he left the US. He told me about his family, about his mom, and his grandmother. I told him that this was my Manila adventure and he offered to take me to different places in Manila to make my trip worthwhile. I asked him what he will be doing in the afternoon and he said he had no plans until he met me. I was not able to reply. He was a great person to talk to. It is just sad that he is a smoker.
When it was time for us to go in, he offered to carry my bag and I would refuse. I said it's okay. Examination came. It was 35 items to be answered for 15 minutes. It was an exam impossible to pass for it tested your intelligence in Maths and English. I was prepared to go home. I texted my mom and her friend that it was very very difficult. In God's grace, amazingly, they considered me!! They asked some to leave and some to stay. They told me that the only person who passed the exam was my new found friend but they were considering us. I was truly grateful! Then the next step would be the medical examination. I never thought the medical examination was to be conducted that day. When I saw that they were testing the BMI, Height, and Ishihara, I doubted I would pass my BMI, let alone my height. Still I proceeded to take my medical examinations. When we went down to the clinic, he was the one carrying my bag and I was thanking him. He told me that I should be happy I got this far and that this trip is not useless. We got to talk for a long time while waiting for our turn. I was one of the first five who signed up but I forgot to take a number so I went to being one of the first five to being the last. The funny thing was that he was the last before I took the number so we were able to sit together again and talk. I learned a lot about his life in just a short amount of time. I felt happy and at the same time awkward talking to him. Then our turn came.
The results came and I failed on every test. It was very difficult for someone who hasn't got any sleep to pass the Ishihara test, believe me. I took the test again when I went back to Davao with enough sleep and I perfected it. It is also difficult and impossible for an underweight person who did not eat breakfast and lunch to pass the BMI test. This I was sure I would fail. When they assessed my height, I could not believe I was only 4'8". It was difficult to accept for a 4'11 or 5' like me. I thought maybe it was because of my posture. I was carrying heavy baggage that day from the airport to the examination area that I was probably the feminine image of Hunchback of Notre Damme. It was heartbreaking. We went back to give our results but she gave me a piece of paper of disqualification from being employed. I was heartbroken and depressed. I do not know if my face showed my feelings. I texted my mom and her friend of what happened. I was supposed to go out with my new friends when I remembered my mom's friend asked me an errand. I had to get her loan cheque. I told them I was going up again to the office and he told me to take care. I went back up to get the cheque but they wouldn't allow me telling me that they should fax the authorization letter first. I constantly texted my mother's friend about the situation but there was no reply. So I took a taxi and went back to the airport to book my flight home. While I was in the taxi, she called me, asking me where I was and begging for me to go back and get her cheque. I told her I would go back after I buy my tickets.
I went back to the PAGCOR House to get her cheque then back again to the airport. It was only 3PM of July 18, 2011 and my flight was scheduled 04:35AM of July 19, 2011. I was thinking deeply at the airport of the things that happened today. Asking myself if it was God's will that I failed the medical examination? Asking myself should I have faith for my mom's told me to have hope? I was also thinking about him and how I will never get to see him again for I did not pass the examination. I thought maybe God did not want me to get this job because He is not the reason. I was thinking at that point that I was sad that I did not get the job but I was sadder because I will not see him again. It was very stupid of me I think to think of that reason for God is the reason why I am doing everything. If I get this job, I want to act as a Christian spreading the love of Christ in that institution. I thought maybe it was not God's will. It was very hard for me to accept and offer this to Him. He knows my heartaches, depressions, and suffering at the moment. And I have faith in Him.
At 5PM that day, I met an old woman who was heading for Roxas City in Capiz. She told me her flight was also scheduled at 4AM. She talked to me and even bought me food at Jollibee. She told me she knew a guard inside and we would be able to get in earlier than the supposed time. It was a blessing from above! We entered the check-in area at the airport at 8:00PM but supposedly we were to enter at 2AM! Thank You Lord. When we went inside, I met another woman who was having problems with her excess baggage. The old woman I was with offered that I might help her since we're both heading to Davao. I do not have any luggages so I offered to carry her excess 15kg. She was very very thankful! She offered me a blanket so I could sleep. I haven't had proper sleep for the last 32 hours and when I saw the empty benches, I did not hesitate to lie down and sleep. The 4 hours of sleep I had felt sooo good. It was 2AM and it was time to check our baggage in. After that, the woman felt grateful that she paid for my terminal fee. She also bought food for me. I told her about my lost pearl earring and she gave me 2 pairs of pearl earrings! She even told me we would go to the Duty Free in Davao so that she could buy me chocolates.
We reached Davao but I told her that all the things she did for me were enough.
I felt like throughout my Manila journey on July 17-19, 2011, God was there with me and will forever be. The people I met are my answered prayers. They were like angels that He sent to guide and help me. He had always been there for me. It was like He was telling me that He values a person like me. He is concerned about a tiny speck like me in this big world. I am constantly in His eye.
I now do not have any job. I quit my tutorial job for this opportunity that also fell out of my hands. But God is merciful, He gave me a student so that I can do private tutorials, and I will start on August 22.
My family is currently having financial issues but I know that beyond the problems, the heartaches, depression, difficulty, and storms that we are going through right now. God sees it. He is just testing the gold and putting in through the fire so that it will come out shinier. I believe in Him. We should all have faith for even though we are tiny little specks and we don't deserve His grace or mercy, He sees us, and His love overflows.
By reading the Bible tonight I have learned that that job, nor money, nor anything is important. Eternal life, God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit is what's important.
Romans 2:7 "He will give eternal life to those who persist in doing what is good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers."
