God Is With Me~
A week before July 16, 2011, I was preparing to leave my job at Level Up for the reason that I believe I was not pleasing God anymore. I was constantly complaining and backstabbing my boss for mistreating her employees. I would complain that she was not being considerate and insensitive. Even months before, I was looking for a way out Level Up for aside from the reason stated above, I believe no professional growth would happen to me. I was praying to God for a way out.
Then things happened. The reason why I could not leave was because of my students especially the kids. Then the news came that Chelsea would not be coming back and also Yoon Chan. I took it as God's way of telling me that this year, it would be okay to leave. Then around July, a friend messaged me on Facebook that she had a plan and asked me whether I was willing to take part of it. Thinking that maybe this was God's way out, I grabbed the opportunity. It was a plan to work abroad in KSA. I don't know why but maybe it was a spur of the moment that I took the opportunity and started processing my papers. I never prayed or offered this decision to God. When my friend told me about faking the papers, I had a heavy heart. I really didn't think it was a good idea, so I prayed to God and asked Him for forgiveness of what I am doing and about to do. Everything was set and our flight was on July 23, 2011.
On July 15, 2011, an unexpected text message arrived. It was from PAGCOR HR department asking me to take a pre-employment examination in their office at Ermita, Manila. I was jumping up and down of excitement and happiness. I wanted to get that job for myself and for my family! At that time, I felt like those were God's escape routes. After being so happy, it hit me that I haven't been to Manila. I have never ridden an airplane. Questions like "where am I gonna live?" "What am I gonna do?", started popping on my mind. That night, I earnestly prayed and cried out to God my anxiety asking for His guidance as I go to Manila. I quit my job on July 16, 2011, and told them I had an opportunity waiting for me.
I was constantly praying and thanking God for this opportunity. The happiness I felt in my heart that time was so great. I bought my tickets on July 17, 2011 and my flight was at 10:30PM that night. I was alone at the airport but I know God is with me. When I entered the airplane, I met a guy named Rodele. He was my seatmate and he asked me whether I was studying in Manila. I said "no", and explained that it was my first time going there to take an exam. He asked me where I was going to stay. I answered that I would probably stay and spend the night at the airport for I do not know anyone in Manila. He told me about his purpose of staying in Manila. He told me that he was a seaman from Bukidnon and was only going to Manila for a visa appearance and he was going to fly back.
When we reached the airport, he helped me with baggages. I was carrying a box of suha that time and he was the one who carried it. He stayed with the whole night at the airport. He was like God's angel helping me. We stayed at the benches around the airport for the whole night. I couldn't sleep because of the cold wind piercing on my skin. It was a very hard night for me. My mother's friend was also constantly calling asking where I was and who I was with. I honestly told her my situation and she suddenly got so worried that I was with a man. Rodele offered to take me to PAGCOR House at 5 in the morning but my mother's friend told me not to go with him and stay at the airport because she asked her friend to fetch me so that I can take a bath in her place. I willingly obeyed.
When morning came, Rodele and I looked for coffee shops or any restaurant but there weren't any restaurants open at that time. I just ate the biscuits I brought but it was not enough to fill my empty stomach. It was 7:20AM when Gina, the friend of my mom's friend came to fetch me. She was very kind and she took me to her boarding house so that I could take a bath there. She also helped me find a taxi so that I can go to the PAGCOR House.
When I reached the PAGCOR House, I was carrying a lot of baggages. I told the guard that the box of suha was for a specific person and thankfully he let me leave the box on a corner. It was 8:30AM and he asked me to go out and wait first for it was not yet 9AM (the time of my exam). I obeyed him. When I went out, a voice suddenly came from behind me, startling me. It was a man in business attire asking if I was also there for the exam. I said yes and he motioned me to stay on the benches across the building to wait. He asked me when I submitted my application. He also asked me about my love life. I learned a lot about him too. He told me he has worked in New York for 3 years as a bartender. He told me that he once waited outside the US Embassy at 2AM until it opened and he was the fifth customer. He told me the reason why he left the US. He told me about his family, about his mom, and his grandmother. I told him that this was my Manila adventure and he offered to take me to different places in Manila to make my trip worthwhile. I asked him what he will be doing in the afternoon and he said he had no plans until he met me. I was not able to reply. He was a great person to talk to. It is just sad that he is a smoker.
When it was time for us to go in, he offered to carry my bag and I would refuse. I said it's okay. Examination came. It was 35 items to be answered for 15 minutes. It was an exam impossible to pass for it tested your intelligence in Maths and English. I was prepared to go home. I texted my mom and her friend that it was very very difficult. In God's grace, amazingly, they considered me!! They asked some to leave and some to stay. They told me that the only person who passed the exam was my new found friend but they were considering us. I was truly grateful! Then the next step would be the medical examination. I never thought the medical examination was to be conducted that day. When I saw that they were testing the BMI, Height, and Ishihara, I doubted I would pass my BMI, let alone my height. Still I proceeded to take my medical examinations. When we went down to the clinic, he was the one carrying my bag and I was thanking him. He told me that I should be happy I got this far and that this trip is not useless. We got to talk for a long time while waiting for our turn. I was one of the first five who signed up but I forgot to take a number so I went to being one of the first five to being the last. The funny thing was that he was the last before I took the number so we were able to sit together again and talk. I learned a lot about his life in just a short amount of time. I felt happy and at the same time awkward talking to him. Then our turn came.
The results came and I failed on every test. It was very difficult for someone who hasn't got any sleep to pass the Ishihara test, believe me. I took the test again when I went back to Davao with enough sleep and I perfected it. It is also difficult and impossible for an underweight person who did not eat breakfast and lunch to pass the BMI test. This I was sure I would fail. When they assessed my height, I could not believe I was only 4'8". It was difficult to accept for a 4'11 or 5' like me. I thought maybe it was because of my posture. I was carrying heavy baggage that day from the airport to the examination area that I was probably the feminine image of Hunchback of Notre Damme. It was heartbreaking. We went back to give our results but she gave me a piece of paper of disqualification from being employed. I was heartbroken and depressed. I do not know if my face showed my feelings. I texted my mom and her friend of what happened. I was supposed to go out with my new friends when I remembered my mom's friend asked me an errand. I had to get her loan cheque. I told them I was going up again to the office and he told me to take care. I went back up to get the cheque but they wouldn't allow me telling me that they should fax the authorization letter first. I constantly texted my mother's friend about the situation but there was no reply. So I took a taxi and went back to the airport to book my flight home. While I was in the taxi, she called me, asking me where I was and begging for me to go back and get her cheque. I told her I would go back after I buy my tickets.
I went back to the PAGCOR House to get her cheque then back again to the airport. It was only 3PM of July 18, 2011 and my flight was scheduled 04:35AM of July 19, 2011. I was thinking deeply at the airport of the things that happened today. Asking myself if it was God's will that I failed the medical examination? Asking myself should I have faith for my mom's told me to have hope? I was also thinking about him and how I will never get to see him again for I did not pass the examination. I thought maybe God did not want me to get this job because He is not the reason. I was thinking at that point that I was sad that I did not get the job but I was sadder because I will not see him again. It was very stupid of me I think to think of that reason for God is the reason why I am doing everything. If I get this job, I want to act as a Christian spreading the love of Christ in that institution. I thought maybe it was not God's will. It was very hard for me to accept and offer this to Him. He knows my heartaches, depressions, and suffering at the moment. And I have faith in Him.
At 5PM that day, I met an old woman who was heading for Roxas City in Capiz. She told me her flight was also scheduled at 4AM. She talked to me and even bought me food at Jollibee. She told me she knew a guard inside and we would be able to get in earlier than the supposed time. It was a blessing from above! We entered the check-in area at the airport at 8:00PM but supposedly we were to enter at 2AM! Thank You Lord. When we went inside, I met another woman who was having problems with her excess baggage. The old woman I was with offered that I might help her since we're both heading to Davao. I do not have any luggages so I offered to carry her excess 15kg. She was very very thankful! She offered me a blanket so I could sleep. I haven't had proper sleep for the last 32 hours and when I saw the empty benches, I did not hesitate to lie down and sleep. The 4 hours of sleep I had felt sooo good. It was 2AM and it was time to check our baggage in. After that, the woman felt grateful that she paid for my terminal fee. She also bought food for me. I told her about my lost pearl earring and she gave me 2 pairs of pearl earrings! She even told me we would go to the Duty Free in Davao so that she could buy me chocolates.
We reached Davao but I told her that all the things she did for me were enough.
I felt like throughout my Manila journey on July 17-19, 2011, God was there with me and will forever be. The people I met are my answered prayers. They were like angels that He sent to guide and help me. He had always been there for me. It was like He was telling me that He values a person like me. He is concerned about a tiny speck like me in this big world. I am constantly in His eye.
I now do not have any job. I quit my tutorial job for this opportunity that also fell out of my hands. But God is merciful, He gave me a student so that I can do private tutorials, and I will start on August 22.
My family is currently having financial issues but I know that beyond the problems, the heartaches, depression, difficulty, and storms that we are going through right now. God sees it. He is just testing the gold and putting in through the fire so that it will come out shinier. I believe in Him. We should all have faith for even though we are tiny little specks and we don't deserve His grace or mercy, He sees us, and His love overflows.
By reading the Bible tonight I have learned that that job, nor money, nor anything is important. Eternal life, God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit is what's important.
Romans 2:7 "He will give eternal life to those who persist in doing what is good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers."
A Love Lost
It was the 13th of July 2010 when I entered the gates of my new found job. It was a job I longed for months. God blessed me with an amazing company and working environment. I am very grateful to Him for this gift.
It was when I met him. He was my student for the second hour. He would always wear a cap. He seemed meek and timid so I tried my best to be conversant and bubbly as possible to omit the awkwardness coupled with the first meeting. I didn't know why but I would feel a sense of frisson everytime I enter his class. I would tell my friends about our conversations and they would insist that I like him. Maybe I did. But then the problem is that he is not a Christian. He goes to a Christian church but he doesn't believe in God. When the conversation topic would be all about love, I would always ask him about his past relationships, and then he would ask me about mine. I would usually ignore it or change the subject, until I prayed to God and asked Him what I should do. I told him the truth. I said that I don't plan to have boyfriends until I reach the age of 26 because I don't want to be selfish. I want my family's finances to be stable first before I search for my own happiness. He understood and we proceeded with our conversations.
He said that I was the kind of girl he would want to marry except that he wanted his wife to be a social drinker and would be able to tolerate a certain amount of alcohol. He would always stare at me and I would either get annoyed or irritated. I told him to stop staring at me and stop telling me I'm pretty or that I'm an angel. He laughed.
I never appreciated his little actions until the time when he suddenly broke the news that he was going home sooner than expected. It was hard for me to accept but it was harder for my 2 co-teachers whom he spent his 6 months with. I didn't know how to react. It was hard and difficult. They were crying. I was baffled. Four days before he left, I woke up at 3am in the morning, went to the balcony and cried. It was at that moment that I reminisced my encounters with him and then it hit me like an anvil pounding on my head that he was really leaving.
We went to samal island and held a farewell party 2 days before he left. We stayed there overnight. They cooked samgyupsal. He was feeding me from time to time and even made a lettuce wrap for me. I really appreciated it. He showed me his magic tricks. We played games and the consequence of the one who lost will be hit. He wanted me to get hit because he thinks I'll learn to be stronger that way.
Then October 7, 2010 came. His final day in the Philippines. I would never forget his simple act of kindness by putting the straw on my drink and offering it to me. Then I hugged him before he left.
Now, I'm praying for him. Hopefully, God will give him guidance. And I pray that he would know God and accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. If that happens and we meet each other 5 years from now, maybe something can happen. Only God knows... I'll leave it all up to him, and do my part and have faith in Him and His plans~
Unforgettable Moments
My life has been a whirlwind these past few days..
Since the month of June I have conditioned my self in preparation for the November nursing board exam. I have prayed to God that He would grant me good health during those times. Little did I know, something would happen...
During the last few months nearing my board exam, I have started withdrawing from kpop and delving greater time into prayer and reflection. I wanted my relationship with God back. I wanted that feeling of joy in His presence. And so I started listening to Christian music, reading Christian books, and courageously attending to a new church alone. I really felt His presence in me growing that I would be greatly touched by the songs played in church as well as the service presented by the pastor.
Little did I know that a trial would try to shake my faith from Him. Just 8 days prior to my board exam,November 21, 2009 (saturday), my younger brother got sick. He got a fever that got worse as the days pass by. I continually prayed for his healing but the fever persisted. We went to Davao Medical Center on Monday to have him admitted but they rejected him saying that he would just be healed by taking the medicines the doctor their prescribed. We went home relieved and I was thankful at that moment.
The fever still persisted and was now coupled with headache and intense abdominal pain. Our family continued to manage him as the doctor ordered us, but to no avail, he did not get any better. On Wednesday, November 25, 2009, while I was at my review center, my parents decided to rush him to San Pedro Hospital. He was finally admitted there with an impending diagnosis of Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever. I visited him at the hospital that night, and he was definitely in pain. My parents decided for me to stay home and study for my upcoming exam. I did study, but my brother was constantly on my mind. I prayed to God not for myself but for my younger brother. Even though I know that the board exam is important, my brother is much more important. My prayers were all for my brother and nothing for myself.
Thursday came and I was at my review center that morning. During lunch, I went to the hospital to visit him. During my visit, the nurses gave us a request slip for 6 units of platelet concentrate. Learning that my brother only had 20+ platelet, I rushed to the Red Cross to obtain blood with only 1,500php in my pocket. The staff at Red Cross were very much accommodating and I was thankful that they had available platelet concentrate and were willing to give to me with the condition that I had to replace them. When the bill came, I was shocked to find that I was 3,720php short of money. I called my mom at that moment to ask for more money but she rejected me saying that she does not have any. She then instructed me to buy a suppository because she believed that this could relieve my brother of his abdominal pain, and also to buy durian to raise his platelet. She told me at that time that the blood cannot raise my brother's platelet but only durian. I was for a long time quiet, and was taken aback by what she said. In the end, she told me to meet her at the hospital.
I arrived at the hospital before her. The thought that was on my mind was that that God would provide. When my mom came, she was in much anxiety that she was actually acting hysterically. She actually bought a suppository and was deliberately asking me almost begging me to administer it to my younger brother. I did not move from my place. She was speaking so low, so fast, and was pacing back and forth saying that this could relieve my younger brother's abdominal pain. And that we have no money to buy for the blood needed. A few moments later, I could not anymore hold back my feelings that I just bowed my head at the hospital bed and cried. This was not how it's supposed to be. My mom had let me studied nursing for 4 years only to let me do that? In the end, my mom did it. She told me to stop crying and gave me an additional 1,500php to add for the blood. I was thankful but it was still not enough. My mom and dad went out from the hospital to buy durian. I was left alone at that moment with my younger brother and I was praying to God at that moment for 1,500php. Just 1,500php Lord from heaven. And God did provide. At 3.30pm that afternoon, I went to my mom and with the help of another person (who was an instrument of God to help us) lended us with 1,500php. The Lord is definitely wonderful! I rushed to Red Cross to obtain the blood with the promise that I would replace it with donors within 1 week.
That night I thanked God and prayed to him that things would be ok and that my brother would finally be healed. The night after that, on the 27th, 2 days before my board exam, the doctor ordered another 6 units of platelet because my brother's platelet is still falling. We did not have enough money at that time. I though it was okay to delay it because my brother has previously been transfused of blood and his platelet has now probably risen. I was not expecting the doctor's statement that my brother's platelet was now only down to 8. It was 10pm and was raining when my mother and I decided to go home together to get some money for the blood. The rain was pouring so hard and the only transportation that we had was a "trisikad". At that moment, the thought was Jesus Christ's last word when He was on the cross. I also felt that the Lord refused to look at me. It was raining and flooding and I was continually praying when we reached Red Cross. It was very unfortunate that they had no available platelet concentrate. We proceeded to San Pedro Hospital with our trisikad to tell the doctor. The doctor then advised us to look for blood at the Blood Bank at DMC or at Carmen. We rode a trisiboat to reach DMC, but sad to say, it was not open. It was still raining when my mom and I decided to pursue Carmen to find blood.
We went by jeepney to Buhangin at around 11.30pm in the hopes to find a bus to ride to Carmen. We waited for 20 minutes but nothing came. A couple of taxis came, and on the second taxi, the driver agreed to take us to Carmen back and forth for 700php. It was a cold ride, but the rain was slowly stopping. I was still praying to God in the taxi, assuring myself that God really will provide. That He will not leave us nor forsake us. That with the slowing down of the rain, He will also slowly look at us and help us. We reached Carmen not knowing where to go, and thankfully with the help of a few people, we were able to get to the blood bank. Thank God and Praise God, there was available platelet concentrate. We hurried back to Davao and reached San Pedro Hospital at around 1.10am. We went to the laboratory and had the blood retyped and also visited my younger brother. My mother then made my brother drink some herbal medicines.
My mother and I decided to go home and reached home at around 2am. I rested for 5 minutes, made myself ready to sleep. I read my Bible. I was reading Micah and the one that struck me was the verse that said "you committed so many sins that I cannot barely look at you". It was very clear that that was God's message to me. I prayed then and asked God for forgiveness. Also asking Him to help my younger brother and telling Him that I would lie low on my kpop and not anymore go into fandom. I will definitely fulfill that promise. My brother was healed and was discharged at the hospital on December 01, 2009.
I decided to transfer this post from my tagged account since I'm soon be deleting it^^
Nov.12, 2008 post..
Wow...I have never been so blessed! I was so sick yesterday...and I woke up early midnight thinking that I missed Sunday capping practice at school because I was at home resting...I got really worried! coz I was thinking today was Monday! But then I realized that it's not...thank God! So I woke up today..Sunday moring at 9:30 am...ate my brunch and by 12:00noon..I was off to school...? When I got there....I was totally shocked that I forgot to bring a candle! And if the practice coordinator would find out I haven't got one...I would might as well get an extension and pay....huhuhu...but then my classmate was able to bring an extra candle and lining and offered to give it to me...I was really very much thankful!! Everyone was having a commotion about the bringing of the ORF.....toink!...another problem! I lost my ORF.....Another friend came asking me to accompany her to "disenyo" to get her uniform...and it hit me like a bullet that i forgot to get my uniform....and the deadline was supposed to be today! I was also worried that the store would close at 4:30 pm knowing that during sundays, their store hours are from 9:30am-4:30pm...and our practice would not end until 5pm! 5pm came....and the coordinator announced that we are to wear our type c tomorrow...and that we are to photocopy our ORFs..because if not...we will be marked absent...which means one day extension...! I was like....oh my...what was i gonna do?? I don't have a uniform and an ORF! I was really praying to God in my seat when I remembered the philippians verse which says.."don't be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, present all your requests to God, and peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Then something inside me says everything will be fine, so i stopped worrying.....Suddenly, everything went smoothly well...we went to "disenyo" and amazing! the store was open at 5:15pm! I went home prepared for the extensive search for my ORF...but voila! I immediately saw it on the table, inserted with some other papers..but I saw it instantly! Wow! I could have shouted for joy! I could've sang praises! The feeling was truly amazing! I really felt the presence of God being in control....thank You God!!
Flood~
I decided to go to the mall after my review classes to buy a connector from my mp3 to the computer so that I can charge it. I knew that the customers in that store waited for the longest time even though they have a systematic way of handling customers and that is by giving numbers. My number was 19 numbers away from the current number being catered. Since I needed this, I decided to pray to God to give me patience. It was truly a test of patience for I stood at the store for the longest hour witnessing how slow the employers are at catering their customers. I did not cuss and I took off all the bad stuff in my mind and prayed for patience at all After waiting for almost like an hour [or more] at the gadget store, I finally got my item.
When approaching the exit of the mall, I could see the vigorous pouring of the rain. I knew this had to be one of the worst rains, and that this kind of rain would not stop easily.I decided to take the longer route to my house by taking the Route 4 which will go to bajada, cabaguio, agdao, then to my destination. Upon riding the jeepney, I could vividly see the strong pour of the rain, and then and there I prayed to God that when I reach my destination, I pray that He would have already stopped the rain or at least slowed it down because I don't want to be soaking wet reaching home. Seeing how selfish my prayer was, I then prayed to God for my mom to have a better shelter at her workplace. And that He would answer that prayer more than He would answer mine.
So then the ride to my home began. The rain never stopped pouring and we reached to the road when there was visible flood. This was at the Bajada road and the flood reached at the knee level of an ordinary person. The jeepney was at first doing okay, and in my mind I was really cheering on for the jeepney to pass this challenge, but unexpectedly, in the middle of the flood, the jeepney stopped. There were a few men willing to push the jeepney for a cost and our jeepney driver had no other choice but to give them money and ask for their help. They helped us get through the flood. But one of them even exhorted money from us, aside from asking from the driver, and I really thought that was very rude of them.
When I thought that was the end of it, the jeepney suddenly won't start. I was quite worried at first, thinking of a way of how I could get myself out of here. I practically looking for other jeepneys or even taxis, but then I thought I could only get myself wet. I'd rather stay inside the jeepney and wait for the rain to stop than to risk myself out there. I continued to pray to God while the driver was also continuously trying to start the car. After another few minutes, the jeepney sounded like it was ready to take off, and I was praying and praying at my seat for God to let the jeepney start. Thankfully He did. He answered my prayer. Not only that, when I reached my destination, the rain slowed down. It slowed down. Again, it slowed down. God for the second time answered my prayer. There was no trisikad to ride, but thankfully the rain was slow enough not to let me be thoroughly wet.
Thank You Lord for answering my prayer.=)
My Thoughts on Love...
I have no boyfriend since birth.
I guess I chose not to. The boys in my life..
1. My first real crush. aka The first person who made my heart skip a beat.
My schoolmate who asked my name at the library when I was in my first year in high school. Not much people know this but he was my crush all throughout high school until he graduated. I kept a diary of our encounters but it's now gone.T_T. I lost it. I asked God for an "impossible" sign when I was in my 2nd year of high school that if this guy is meant for me, then let me see him on tv. I did. I did see him on tv 6 years after as an audience of a popular show.
My feelings for him is like a rollercoaster, sometimes it escalates, sometimes it goes down to its lowest point. And I don't see him that often. Which is the reason why I really really have to let go of this person. I think I am. I will very soon be able to totally forget him.
2. The first person who courageously asked my number.
He is cute. He courageously asked my number without any hesitation. Most guys would befriend a girl first but this one's different. I immediately was turned off knowing that he smokes and drinks. Although he's the type of guy you can display and proudly say he's "your guy", I believe that in the long run, the relationship will totally not work out. He is not the guy for me because he is not the guy that I prayed for.
My ideal love story:
I would meet my love one when I'm in my early twenties. He would fit the category I prayed to God for, Christian, handsome, rich, intelligent, sweet, tall, not a smoker or a drinker, and is a family guy. We would gradually fall for each other. Our relationship would go through ups and downs but we would put God in the center. We will kiss and do everything else when we get married.
This may sound lame to a lot of people but that really is my kind of love story. I want my first to be my last. No offense to a lot of people but I don't really want to have a boyfriend who I met at a club or I had a chat on the internet with, or texted with. Plus, I also don't like texting people, I prefer calling.
Ha! This is actually the reason why I have no boyfriend. I choose not to and I'm way too picky. I hope to stand to this principle and I really really pray that with the help of God I'll meet him at the right place and time.
P.S. Of course there are times when I yearn for someone to be with me. Especially seeing my classmates and friends that there's people taking care of them and treating them specially well. But I have to stand to my principle and not stumble.
My Strategic Plan
I decided to blog about my strategic plan and review these a few years after to see if I really was able to achieve this~~
Steps in my strategic plan~~
1. Make money.
2. Use that money to train for chinese/korean/japanese language in their respective country on my post board exam.
3. Get my license back in the Philippines.
4. Apply for some trainings.
5. Apply for a working visa on that country...
6. Fly to that country to work as a nurse..
What am I doing at this point in time to achieve that dream?
1. I am a sales consultant of Filinvest..I sell condominium units at One Oasis.
* I haven't sold any yet..=( *care to buy?* I haven't found people willing to invest on condominiums...
2. I am planning to apply as a part time medical transcriptionist... If they'll accept me, I 'll use the money to help the bills in the house, to use it as my own allowance, and save it for the language training later on.
Well, so far..that's still it... Hopefully, I will be able to be successful in this..
I have to be positive and think that I will..I will!! with the help of God. ^_^
One Sided Love
One Sided Love
by Statexofxclarity
Isn't that what people say?
That one-sided love is the hardest.
Always like a master handling his puppet.
Always like a kid playing with a toy.
Love is said to be the greatest feeling.
Perfect in its own way.
Yet flawlessness doesn't exist.
So there must be an error.
The mistake of a one-sided love.
The way that love is warm, it is the same way cruel.
Though it may be a blessing.
It leaves behind a victim to suffer.
In this case, me.
You have no idea what you left me with.
All the memories you threw away, I chose to gather.
The thoughts of you walking away.
The question of why I wasn't good enough?
Self doubt which refused to fade.
Each and every tear fell for you.
I spent hours in the rain...in the dark.
The only places I could reach for comfort.
The only shadows that taught me to escape...
Just for a little while.
And all the wishes wasted on you.
The whispers I choked out into the night.
The times where I could hardly breathe...
Just because you were you.
Just because you broke into my heart.
Just because.
Well...now I'm tired.
To a certain point where I can't stand you.
So take the chains off of me.
Take all the things I've done for you.
Consider them my last.
And still you won't know how precious...
My heart was in the care of your hands.
Goodbye.
I say a one-sided love lacks faith.
That this kind of love can't clash with destiny.
And that love might mean something delicate and pretty...
In the beginning.
However, just like a rose...
Everything beautiful has to wither and die...
In the end.
And this is the conclusion of this one-sided love story.
Heavenly to tragic.
But don't people also say that, to a finish there is another start.
So hope shouldn't fail or diminish.
As these petals of pain disappear.
Love will bloom once again.
This will always and forever be fate.
credits to: http://www.best-love-poems.com
...explains how i feel...
